Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 14 Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds (ABT’s)? I real­ize the name is stu­pid. I mean, who wants to eat a turd? Even one with the words buf­falo and atom­ic in front of it. I didn’t cre­ate the name and right now, I don’t have a bet­ter one, so Atom­ic Buf­falo Turd it is, oth­er­wise known as the ABT. And if you’re a fan of blog posts where we show our mis­takes, you are going to LOVE this one. That’s right, I cap­i­tal­ized, ital­i­cized, bold­ed and under­lined that word. I chose an epic mis­take for the­se Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds. So let’s get to it. Oh, if you want to see how far I’ve come with this recipe (and my pho­tog­ra­phy), check out my first ABT recipe.

The typ­i­cal ABT is a half a jalapeno boat stuffed with some cream cheese, a lit­tle smokey and wrapped in bacon. And those are real­ly good. But I’m mak­ing Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds here. So let’s take the tur­d­ing to the next lev­el.

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds Ingredients:

1 lb ground pork
2 tsp jerk mari­nade
16 jalapeno pep­pers and baby bell pep­pers
8 oz cream cheese
2 tbsp brown sug­ar
1 lb of hon­ey and maple bacon
32 tooth­picks
4 wood­en maple grilling planks

First off, go to your local butcher and ask for plain ground pork:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 01

You could use break­fast sausage or maple sausage, but I want­ed to kick mine up to a whole new lev­el and spiced the pork with jerk sea­son­ing. Put the pork in a reseal­able plas­tic bag with the jerk mari­nade and work it through the meat. Put the bag in the fridge overnight.

The next day get your pep­pers ready. The­se are the glue of this whole appe­tiz­er:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 02

Some of you are look­ing at those jalapeno’s and are cring­ing. Those of you who are sen­si­tive to over­ly spicy stuff usu­al­ly don’t even try them despite some­one say­ing, “Come on. They’re not that hot.” Because we all know that some pep­pers are hot­ter than oth­ers. That pep­per in the front might be half as hot as the sec­ond pep­per with the stri­a­tions above. So here’s how to com­pen­sate for that. Don’t make all the atom­ic buf­falo turds with jalapeno pep­pers. Pick up some of the­se mini bell pep­pers:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 03

For the chili heads, the jalapeno’s will work fine. For those that don’t like it spicy, the baby bells will be per­fect.

Next up, let’s make some pep­per boats. Slice the pep­pers length­wise:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 05

Now whether you’re using bells or chilis, scoop out the white flesh and the seeds. This is par­tic­u­lar­ly impor­tant for the jalapeno’s. The seeds and the white flesh are the hottest parts. If you like it real­ly zip­py, remove the seeds and leave the white stuff:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 06

Pep­per boats ready for some stuff­ing:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 08

Brown the sausage in a skil­let.

While the sausage is cook­ing, com­bine the brown sug­ar and cream cheese, mix­ing the two togeth­er thor­ough­ly:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 09

When the sausage is browned, stuff each pep­per boat with about 1/2 tsp of cream cheese and the same amount of sausage:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 10

Now it’s time to wrap the­se Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds in some epic bacon. I went with Hon­ey and Maple bacon from Farm­land:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 04

Slice the pack­age in half. Wrap each pep­per boat filled with cream cheese and jerk sausage with a half slice of bacon and skew­er it in place with a tooth­pick:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 11

Repeat this 31 more times:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 12

When it’s time to grill the­se things, most peo­ple indi­rect them on a char­coal grill. Me, I’m going to smoke the­se on a gas grill. Say what? You heard me. I’m going to smoke them on a gas grill. I do this all the time by adding some grilling planks to the mix. Soak the planks in water for about an hour. Place them on a hot grill, in this case my Char-Broil TRU Infrared Gril­l2­Go tailgating/portable grill:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 13

Close the lid for three min­utes and then flip the plank over and add six-eight of the soon to be Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 14

Close the lid again. In a cou­ple min­utes, instant smok­er:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 15

After about 10 min­utes, the ABT’s are look­ing spec­tac­u­lar:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 16

Those ABT’s in the pic­ture above are prob­a­bly done, but I want­ed the bacon to brown a lit­tle more and that’s where I got into trou­ble. About 5 min­utes lat­er, here’s what they looked like:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 18

But that was after I removed them from the blaz­ing wood­en plank:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 22

Dad was tak­ing pic­tures of his shrimp wrapped keil­basa right next to me as we tail­gat­ed on my front lawn and snapped the­se pic­tures. And you read that right. It’s shrimp wrapped sausage, not sausage wrapped shrimp. I’ll link to it as soon as he gets me the write up. It’s only been since the first week of Sep­tem­ber.

You can still see one on that plank above. And when I got that last one off, I removed the plank from the grill:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 23

Cue Char­i­ots of Fire the­me song because after try­ing to blow the flames out and wav­ing the plank up and down with my tongs to extin­guish the fire, I still had a blaze so I bolt­ed for the street:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 24

Yeah, that’s my hand being singed right there!

Here’s where I left it:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 25

And a close up:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 17

But the ABT’s looked and tast­ed fan­tas­tic:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 19

When all was said and done, I had no left­over Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds, but I did have this:

Epic Atomic Buffalo Turds - 21

The lesson here is to pull the­se things when the bacon is gold­en brown, not when it reach­es dark brown like from a skil­let full of bacon fat. Wait­ing until it’s dark brown will result in a hot, flam­ing mess.

But how were they? They were much more nuanced than typ­i­cal ABT’s. There was the sweet and the savory from the brown sug­ar and cream cheese; the savory and spicy from the jerk pork; the sweet, savory and salty of the bacon all inside a pep­per boat that may or may not have been spicy. And the smoke of from the plank per­me­at­ed them through and through. They were in a word, “won­der­ful.” But I guess I should say epic!

I high­ly rec­om­mend this recipe, just go with a slight­ly dif­fer­ent method. Don’t set the place on fire!

5.0 from 1 reviews
Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds (ABT’s)
Author: 
Recipe type: Appe­tiz­er
Cuisine: BBQ
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
 
Tak­ing the icon­ic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turd to the next lev­el with jerk pork, out­stand­ing bacon, brown sug­ar, maple planks and by not using jalapeno pep­pers.
Ingre­di­ents
  • 1 lb ground pork
  • 2 tsp jerk mari­nade
  • 16 jalapeno pep­pers and baby bell pep­pers
  • 8 oz cream cheese
  • 2 tbsp brown sug­ar
  • 1 lb of hon­ey and maple bacon
  • 32 tooth­picks
  • 4 wood­en maple grilling planks
Instruc­tions
  1. Place the ground pork in a bag with the jerk mari­nade and work the jerk through
  2. Put the bag in the fridge for 2–12 hours
  3. Slice the pep­pers in half, spoon­ing out the white flesh and seeds form­ing pep­per boats
  4. Brown the pork in a skil­let
  5. Com­bine the cream cheese and brown sug­ar in a bowl
  6. Once the pork has cooled, spoon about ½ tsp of cream cheese into a pep­per boat, add ½ tsp of jerk pork
  7. Slice the pound of bacon in half and wrap the pep­per boat with a half slice of bacon and skew­er with a tooth­pick to hold in place
  8. Repeat 31 more times
  9. Place the wood­en planks in water for at least 60 min­utes
  10. Set the grill to medi­um high
  11. Place a plank on the grill and close the lid for 3 min­utes
  12. Flip the plank over and add 6–8 Epic Atom­ic Buf­falo Turds
  13. Close the lid
  14. When the bacon is gold­en brown, remove from the heat and serve
 

 

Scott Thomas

Scott Thomas

Scott Thomas, the Orig­i­nal Grillin’ Fool, was sent off to col­lege with a suit­case and a grill where he over­cooked, under­cooked and burned every piece of meat he could find. After thou­sands of fail­ures, and quite a few suc­cess­es, near­ly two decades lat­er he start­ed a web­site to show step by step, pic­ture by pic­ture, fool­proof instruc­tions on how to make great things out of doors so that oth­ers don’t have to repeat the mis­takes he’s made on the grill.
Scott Thomas

@GrillinFool

https://t.co/lVWgniik3V#Grill­Porn abounds here. All meat, all the time!
Pulled pork skills on point! . Video cour­tesy of @bbq_bboy : Pulling Pork Like A Boss 🐷 . You ready to take your I…… https://t.co/3QuPwwo0ZD — 7 hours ago
Scott Thomas

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8 comments

Im not sure about the name, but the actu­al pro­duct sounds ter­ri­fic (minus the fiery plank)!

Reply

Eliz­a­beth,

That’s the Char-Broil Gril­l2­Go. I love that lit­tle grill so much, I own two of them…

.……Scott

After eat­ing the­se at your Schnucks’ class this sum­mer I had to make them. It was just the wife and I but I still made 2 jalapenos and 2 red baby bells. We devoured them. They were so good. Not much room for the rest of din­ner after this very large appe­tiz­er.
The plank was very “juicy” after the bombs were done. It will cause flare ups.
Anoth­er word to the wise. The cream cheese is molten hot com­ing off the grill (I will nev­er learn).

Thanks again for the recipes.

Reply

Kev­in,

Glad they came out well. Oh, we’re doing anoth­er class at Dierberg’s in very ear­ly Sep­tem­ber if you and Lau­ra want to attend…

.……Scott

Should I be con­cerned that you remem­bered me and my wife?
Were we that big of a dis­trac­tion?

I see you were sched­uled at Dier­bergs the end of Aug and it looks like you were bumped for a Cor­po­rate event. They don’t have the Sept sched­ule out yet, but we will make plans to join you.…
And we will try to behave.

Kev­in

Reply

Very cool. I’m a big ABT (pop­per) fan. I’ve been look­ing for new ways to make them and your ver­sion here sounds great. Since I am a char­coal per­son I’ll try them indi­rect. Cool site too. Great job :) 

Reply

Scott, I want to try the ABT’s. I live in Ohio and am try­ing to locate the maple planks. I can find cedar planks out the ying-yang but no maple. Can you give me a source? Thanks

Reply

Greg,

Check http://​www​.Out​door​Gourmet​.com and look for the bulk deals. They have some sick dis­counts on the not so pret­ty planks. Who needs a pret­ty one when I’m just going to black­en the hell out of it?

.……Scott

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